So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
