i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
