I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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