when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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