I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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