I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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