First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
