I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
