Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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