and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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