I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no. you can't hotbox the world.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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