Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
