you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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