those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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