hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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