im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
