I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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