if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
