moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
