I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
