he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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