This show inspires me to have sex in space
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
