We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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