Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
