Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
