its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
