I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
