So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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