um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
