I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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