either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
