He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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