i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
