walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
its liver damage thursday
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