I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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