yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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