I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
