Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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