just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
