Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
