after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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