Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
