Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
