I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
