Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
