My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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