grandma shit on top of the toilet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
