I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
