he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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