So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
