Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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