Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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